Please, Stop Calling Me Sir!

Please, Stop Calling Me Sir!

Dear Cancer, 

You have taken away my breasts (and, with your multiple re-occurrences, you have done so in a way that makes reconstruction nearly impossible), my hair and my feelings of security... can you please leave me my dignity?!  

Every time I walk out the door, I have to prepare myself for the inevitable greetings:  “Excuse me, sir”, “How was your meal, sir”, “Did you find what you were looking for, SIR”...  

 I am not a guy, I am a women, and, yes, I feel like ROARING right about now!      

   

Why, in today’s society, do we even use the titles "Sir" and "Ma’am"?  Men sport long hair, many women have gone to short, stylish coifs, and tons of people dress in a style that can be given no other name than androgynous.  So why, when there is so much potential for mistake, do we use these old fashioned titles of our parents’ (or even grandparents’) generation?  I know, it indicates respect.   And, I know when mistakes are made, no harm is actually meant.  But dammit people, it’s starting to hurt my feelings!  I’m reluctant to even venture out, for fear of the inevitable "Sir"  that I know is waiting for me at my local grocery store.

Some might tell me to stop whining and grow a thicker skin.  Others suggest I ignore the comments with, “They probably just weren’t paying attention”.  While I know this is all true and I appreciate the sentiment, it is not always the easiest thing to do when you feel that everything “womanly” has been taken from you.

But, come hell or high water, I plan to put my bravest girl/boy face on this Friday and venture out on the town.  For the first time since my double mastectomy, five months of chemo and two other major surgeries, I am going on an adventure-  and I don’t plan to let anything stop me.

Since I was twelve, the band Duran Duran has gotten me through some pretty tough times.  Broken family life, teenage angst and yes, even cancer.  I can even credit the band’s lead singer (yes, I’m talking about you Mr. LeBon!), as being one of my main inspirations for beginning to write poetry in high school.  

Sitting in the chemo chair every week, headphones securely attached, ipod set to my Duran Duran playlist, I made it through. Thanks to the grace of Duran Duran’s music and Simon LeBon’s lyrics, there was no way I was going to let cancer win.  There is not a song on that list that does not take me back to some memory.  The memories were mostly good, but even when a song brought up unpleasant feelings of the past, they all helped me through:  I made it to adulthood and was able to let go of the past,  and every song reminded me of my enduring strength and tenacity.

So thank you Duran Duran and Simon LeBon, songs like “Ordinary World”, with lyrics that seemed to echo my plight: 

What has happened to it all?

Crazy, some are saying

Where is the life that I recognize?

Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday

There's an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

have given me the strength to keep fighting this battle.

So, this is why, you will find me in Everett, Washington this Friday.  For one night, I will let go of the last few years and just enjoy an evening with my best friend of thirty years and the band that helped me realize that I have the strength to get through any obstacle life throws my way.  If I can get through eleven surgeries and five months of chemo, I certainly won’t let something as simple as being called "Sir" get in my way of enjoying one of the few things in life that truly makes me happy.

With that being said, if you happen to see someone at the show with REALLY short hair, and you’re not sure if it’s a guy or a girl, just try not to force yourself to make a distinction.  Silly me, I probably don’t need to say that to Duran Duran fans, they are some of the most accepting, nonjudgemental people I have ever known.

And, Mr. Le Bon, if you happen to read this and “Ordinary World” just happens to be on the set list, I certainly wouldn’t argue if you wanted to dedicate it to me.  I’ll be somewhere in the first few rows.  Trust me, you won’t be able to miss me, I’ll be the GIRL with the short hair and the HUGE smile on her face.

Sincerely,

Monica